Writer’s Diarrhea · 14 May 2011

(Before I start, I must say that I did not take nor did I issue a challenge to serious writers to see how many times they could use the word “poop” in an essay, column, or blog post. That would be a funny challenge, but I do not know of anybody who would take it. Nor do I know anybody who considers me a serious writer for that matter.)

I am sure that nobody really wants to read about poop. Especially diarrhea, but this is a special story about a special kind of diarrhea. And it is a story that I need to write so nobody thinks I just say, “That is another story,” without getting to that other story. So here is “the other story.” The one about Writer’s Diarrhea.

Writer’s Diarrhea is a much more serious ailment than either Writer’s Block or Writer’s Constipation. Writer’s diarrhea is when all the writing that comes out of a writer is poop. Sure, there is lots of writing, but it is no good. It is just stinky poop.

One of my real (not imaginary) readers (who also happens to be a real cousin) commented on my fan page that there is lots of poop on the internet. He actually said he thought about Writer’s Diarrhea when he started reading about Writer’s Constipation. Hopefully, he was just reminded that there was lots of poop out there and not that I was contributing too much poop to the internet. Or at the very least, that I have not had too many bouts of writer’s diarrhea.

The worst part about writer’s diarrhea is that the writer does not know right away that his writing is poop. For me, I do not know until months later that I wrote something terrible. I look back on something I wrote and cannot believe that I wrote such poop. Hopefully, I have not pooped on the internet too much, but I do not know. After all, once I post my blog, I rarely look back. Sometimes, I cannot remember what I put out last week, let alone last month or last year. So I do not really know how much poop I have smeared all over the world wide web. I do not know how many bouts of writer’s diarrhea I have had.

Hopefully, I do get something right every once in a while. In actuality, I occasionally look back on some of my writing and actually laugh. Sometimes I laugh at myself for whatever mishap I was writing about. Sometimes I just laugh because I wrote in a funny way. And sometimes I laugh in that nervous laughter that comes from being totally embarrassed. Embarrassed for putting such poop on my own website for the whole world to see (but thankfully, not smell).

Like real diarrhea, writer’s diarrhea can come at any time. And it can last for extended periods. I do not think that I have had too many cases over the years that I have been posting my blog for the world to see, but do not tell me if you think I have. I already think that I have had too much poop for one writer. I do not need everybody telling me that I am stinking up the whole internet.

Or maybe I do. Maybe, I need everybody to tell me when I am stinking up the place. Maybe, I need everybody to comment how well or poorly I am doing. Maybe, I need everybody to let me know if I am having too many bouts of writer’s diarrhea. After all, I like the attention. (Obviously. I have my own website.) And I like people to be honest with me. (Then again, do not tell me if you think everything I write is poop. I do not like that much honesty.)

I must agree with my cousin that there are lots of people putting poop out on the internet. Whether it is from writer’s diarrhea or poor subject matter or just from poor writing does not really matter. It is still out there for all to read. When my cousin said there was too much poop on the internet, I hope he was not thinking that I am contributing too much of it.

© 2011 Michael T. Miyoshi

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  1. I think, and it kinda goes along with the metaphor, that it is important to get the bad stuff out.

    Rhi · 16 May 2011, 11:31 ·

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