A Forgotten Rule · 31 July 2011

In my haste to get out The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi’s ten important rules, I forgot the most important rule of all.  Rule 0 is: Do not talk to me.  There are several reasons that this forgotten rule could not just be added onto the end of the all important list as Rule 11.

(Some observant reader out there might think that Rule 0 could just be incorporated into Rule 4 (No talking during movies).  But to that smarty pants, I must say, “It cannot.”  Simply because it is specific to my wife.  In fact, Rule 0 should read: Do not talk to The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi, especially in the morning.  Now that I have dealt with that astute but out of line observation, I will move on.)

The first reason, Rule 0 could not just be added to the end of the rules is that  the rules are somewhat in order of importance.  Needless to say, the no talking rule is of the utmost importance.  It is so important, that I do not know why I forgot it when addressing all the other rules or why I continually forget it each morning.  Which is really what the rule addresses.  My wife, The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi, does not like to speak in the morning.  Mainly because she has a routine that is not to be violated.

On Saturdays all year and every day during the summer, the routine goes something like this: wake up to a cup of tea and the newspaper on the bed stand; read the paper and drink the tea with no disturbances; get ready for the day of bossing people around (mainly me).  When this routine is followed, nobody gets hurt.  But when somebody (usually me) upsets that routine by talking to The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi before she is ready, a head will roll.  Almost always, that head is mine.

Now, to be fair, it is not just the talking that bugs my wife.  She does not like the fact that I am a morning person and chipper when I rise.  She needs lots of time to wake up.  Hours even.  And if she does not get that quiet time, I usually take the blame with a loud “Shh!”

This brings up the other reason the rule could not just be added to the end. Like Rule 4, Rule 0 needs a nonverbal cue when it is broken.  Unfortunately, putting up ten fingers and flashing one more would not be convenient.  And tapping two index fingers together twice would not be much better as it is probably some form of hand swearing.  So a closed fist to represent Rule 0 would be much easier than either hand signal described above that a Rule 11 would necessitate.

A closed fist as a nonverbal cue for Rule 0 also gives the needed attitude of the rule when that fist is shaken.  It is even a more appropriate signal than an open hand slash in front of the throat or an index finger pressed against the lips even though The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi uses these fairly universal signals often (even when it is not morning).  Additionally, the four fingers of the open hand might be confused with Rule 4 or the single index finger might be confused with Rule 1 (do not touch my feet) and bring confusion because of the context.  And like I said before, Rule 0 really only applies to my wife.

Now while the no talking rule is mostly directed at me during the morning hours, it can be applied to any situation where there is a need for silence or at least no talking.  Times like being in the car or during nap time (which usually means me napping so the shaking fist would not be directed at me or if it was it would mean something totally different).  So it is an important rule and should not have been forgotten.

It might seem that I have treated my wife’s rule with a bit of disrespect.  That is probably a fair assessment.  But if I am going to get in trouble anyway (for writing about the rule at all), I may as well deserve Rule 5 (You need a spanking).

© 2011 Michael T. Miyoshi

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