Mrs. Miyoshi · 21 September 2007

I think that my wife reads too much of Steve Johnston’s column in Pacific Northwest magazine, part of The Seattle Times on many Sundays. I have come to this conclusion because she wants me to refer to her with some clever nickname rather than her first name when I talk about her or refer to her in my column.

At first, my wife wanted to be the Truly Unpleasant Mrs. Miyoshi but I figured that would be stepping on Mr. and Mrs. Johnston’s toes. Sure, there could be more than one truly unpleasant Mrs. somebody but Mr. Johnston might think that I was trying to invade his turf or take his job. Even worse, Mrs. Johnston might think that I was trying to invade on her husband’s turf or take his job. Besides, even though I sweat and toil on my wife’s projects, I rarely think of her as “truly unpleasant.”

In thinking up a nickname to use for my wife in my column, I have had to consider all of her character traits. Of course, I could not focus on any of her more positive traits like her cooking or gardening abilities. If I called her the Truly Incredible Mrs. Miyoshi, her friends would make fun of her or she might feel that she would need to live up to the persona I have shown in my column. She might even feel she had to wear spandex like Mrs. Incredible (a.k.a. Elastigirl) and Pixar and Disney might sue me. If I called her the Truly Green Mrs. Miyoshi, her friends would really make fun of her and I might get sued by Marvel Comics when she turned green, beat me to a pulp, and exclaimed, “Me Hulk, not puny Miyoshi!”

Since I like alliterations, I thought about the Mysterious Mrs. Miyoshi or the Mythical Mrs. Miyoshi but these nicknames did not really fit the bill. My wife may be a bit mysterious but no more so than what I understand all females to be. Neither is she mythical. I might still see her as a beautiful goddess but she is quite real. I even feel her wrath sometimes when I write something nice or embarrassing about her but again, that is the Mysterious part of her personality that I will never understand.

With my wife’s help, I finally came up with the perfect nickname to use for her in my column. Since much of the writing I do seems to bring about some sort of embarrassment for my wife as her friends read and comment about the columns she rarely reads, I thought that she might like to be called the Misunderstood Mrs. M or the Misinformed Mrs. M. (I actually thought of calling her the Micromanaging Mrs. M but she really only micromanages me when I am working as her laborer in the garden. She actually calls it supervising.) But then it hit me like a backhand to the face that I could just call her Mrs. M. The catch was that I would add an M-adjective (if possible) to the front depending on what personality trait might be the focus of the column. Or I could just call her Mrs. M if I was not picking on her. It seemed like it would be the perfect solution.

Then I decided to let Mr. Johnston take a look at the column to make sure I did not step on his or more importantly, his wife’s toes. It was a great move because he actually said it was “funny stuff.” And more importantly, he gave me a suggestion for my wife’s nickname. He said that I should call her The Miserable Mrs. Miyoshi. What a stroke of genius! I decided that even though I would need to revamp my column slightly, I would use the name given by Mr. Johnston. Thank you, sir.

Like some of the other people who I have mentioned in my column, I guess that my wife would like a little anonymity. Or maybe in her case it is a bit of notoriety. Whatever the reason, I will be referring to Mrs. Miyoshi as The Miserable Mrs. Miyoshi. So Mrs. Miyoshi, you can thank Steve Johnston for giving you a bit more anonymity. It is too bad that his wife has already been called the Truly Unpleasant one for so long. But then again, I think that your new moniker fits you well.

© 2007 Michael T. Miyoshi

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