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Internet Pooper Scoopers · 22 August 2020


I am glad that there are no internet pooper scoopers out there scouring the interweb.


If you have ever been to a parade, you probably noticed the pooper scoopers following the horses. Or any animals for that matter. Some of those pooper scoopers drive their ATVs and have little trailers to place the animal feces that the pooper scooper pick up. Others have wheelbarrows to do the same. Regardless of their mode of transportation though, I think it interesting that many times the pooper scoopers receive a big round of applause. Sometimes even standing ovations.


Now as much as I appreciate pooper scoopers at parades, I am certainly glad there are no pooper scoopers on the internet. For if there were, my websites might be less than cobwebbed places few people visit. They might be empty save for a few worthwhile pieces of prose or verse. If such things exist there in the first place.


So what would an internet pooper scooper do anyway? Well, I would venture an internet pooper scooper would do the same as any pooper scooper. That is, an internet pooper scooper would pick up poop (albeit, digital poop) and dispose of it properly.


I am not sure how one would decide that a website had digital poop, but there would surely be some criteria. Probably subjective. Perhaps even highly subjective. But there would also probably be some obvious poop to scoop. Scams and virus spreaders and malware of any sort are obviously poop and could be scoured from the internet. It would be good if even the sources where they originated could be cleaned up. But alas, digital poop of this sort comes from organic sources. Yes, people create all that nasty digital poop.


To be fair, people create all the digital poop out there. Malicious or not. Which is why I would be worried if there were internet pooper scoopers out there. Somebody might determine that my websites contain nothing but poop. Some internet pooper scooper might think that most or even all of my words were just poop.



Thankfully, there are no internet pooper scoopers. People like me can write to their hearts’ content and not be afraid that their poop will get scooped. People like me can write and not worry that some arbitrary internet pooper scooper will crush all their dreams.


If you are thinking that I just wrote this piece of prose to see how many times I could write the word poop, you are mistaken. If you think that I am actually fascinated with poop, you might be right. I am sure I have written plenty of poop, and I am sure I have also written about poop before (actually many times). But all seriousness aside, I just thought that the thought of internet pooper scoopers would be fun to write about. And I was right.


When all is said and done, I am just glad there are no internet pooper scoopers out there. After all, if there were, this piece of prose might be deemed a piece of poop and get scooped.

© 2020 Michael T. Miyoshi

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