Ten Rules for Living · 10 July 2011

My wife, The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi currently has ten rules for life. She likes the TV show NCIS and wanted to make up her own rules like the main character, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unlike Gibbs, we do not need to remind our young charges of these rules by smacking them upside the head (they get pushups), and my wife only has 10 rules. So far.

The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi’s ten rules are:
     1. Do not touch my feet.
     2. Do not touch me.
     3. Kisses come in threes.
     4. Do not talk during movies.
     5. You need a spankin’.
     6. No unnecessary noises (i.e. bodily noises like burps, farts, and whistling).
     7. Share.
     8. Wash your hands.
     9. Keep your attitude in check.
   10. I can reach you from the front seat.

Along with pushups for wrongdoing, these rules seem to work in our family. I figured they might work in other people’s as well, but not without some explanation.

Even though she will call me a liar (I can hear her from here even though she does not know what I am writing) and smack me upside the head, before she wrote them down, the first two were actually three rules that all said the same thing – “Do not touch me.” The three touching rules were the same simply to show their importance. After all, nobody wants to be touched all the time. Especially, mothers, whose children always want to hold their hands or need them to wipe their noses or have them meet some other physical need.

Rule 4 (Do not talk during movies) is actually my rule, but I probably break it more often than everybody else. It is self-explanatory. So when you are talking during a movie and somebody sticks up a hand with four fingers raised, you will know somebody else reads my blog. Hopefully, you will quit talking like I do when The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi shows me her fingers.

Rules 6, 7, and 8 are also self-explanatory, but are necessary rules for anybody with children. Especially boys, who think burps and farts are funny. Also, young boys learn how to whistle and then do it all the time. In the car, rule 6 is especially important since making unnecessary noises in an enclosed area might have detrimental effects on the nose as well as the ears. Sharing (rule 7) is very important and needs no more explanation even though it often needs repeating. And of course, for most boys, rule 8 should probably be changed to “Wash with soap,” for maximum effect.

Rule 9 is a catchall for anything that does not fit into the other rules. After all, attitudes are often the problem with teens and pre-teens and everybody really. Besides, we all need to have a catchall rule.

“Rule 5. You need a spankin’.”

Rules 5 is really just a saying that The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi likes to use. (As is rule 10. No. I did not forget rule 5. After all, this is written and I could just edit if I had. I just wanted to explain rule 5 and rule 10 together because they are similar.) Most boys need to get spanked from time to time, but ours rarely get them. I guess my wife likes to at least have the threat of spankings in her rules. (If you have been reading this blog long, you know that that the consequence for misdeeds in our house is pushups, but “You need pushups” does not sound very ominous.) Besides, we really do need to be ready with a steady hand. Even if we do not use it much.

Knowing that the hand can still reach from the front to the back seat (rule 10) is important for all children to know. For me, it brings to mind two memories. One of my dad saying something similar whenever we were in the car. And the other of sitting in the back seat watching a hand flailing around from the front seat trying to reach somebody. They are probably not the most ominous memories, but the rule is not that ominous either. Like my memories, our kids probably laugh at the rule too.

I am sure these ten rules for life are all that we need to keep our household somewhat sane. They are clear, concise, and amusing. The Mindboggling Mrs. Miyoshi even wrote them down for all to see, which is why I feel safe publishing them. But do not tell her to read this or I might get smacked upside the head and told again, “No lying on your blog.” I do not want to add that rule.

© 2011 Michael T. Miyoshi

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